Friday, January 14, 2011

I believe in Angels

I completely and truly believe that our loved ones are among us.

Let me explain before I get to my point. When I was just 18. I had been blessed to meet and fall in love with a wonderful young man. He was perfect. The blondest hair and biggest beautiful blue eyes! I remember them so clearly. The day he proposed he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. That is what he did. In May of 95 God called him home. His time on Earth was over. At such a young age it was a hard thing to deal with. Having lost a great friend 6 months prior to suicide I couldn't understand how God could do this to me. I spent years. I do mean YEARS. In the bottom of every bottle I could find. I smoked everything I could find and even put shit in my arms to try to ease the pain. A good friend of mine told me everything happens for a reason. It was then that I looked back and saw what I was doing.
He spent the rest of his life with me like he wanted. I was trying to kill the pain (and myself 4 different time) and not seeing the happiness we had together. For years I blamed myself. I always will to an extent. I asked him to get off early so we could drive to see my parents an hour away. I blamed myself thinking had I not done that then maybe he would be alive. It took a long time to realize when your time is up it's up. There is a time clock on our lives and when it's time to go you check out. There is no wait just give me one more day. Though I wish there was!
It's been 16 years this May. I can still remember happy times we had. I still remember the pain. It will be there. I have fallen in love again and I truly believe Nate is the person I am ment to spend the rest of MY life with.

Now that I have filled you in. Today in the middle of running errands and doing the usual payday activites I hit a wall. Seriously. In Wal-Mart. I was watching my daughter get her hair cut and looked out to the registers because I just knew someone was looking at me. I had that feeling where something was telling me to turn around. When I did I almost passed out. Standing by the Valentines Day set up they had was a man that was the spitting image of Doug. He could have been his identical twin. The man was looking at the Salon and smiled the biggest smile. I turned back to see my daughter and looked back again only to see he was gone. To make myself sound even more psychotic this seems to happen every couple of years between Jan and Valentines Day. This is the first time it's happened in 5 years! It's just never this real. This guy had a strange kinda glow around him and well just seemed peaceful. 
It's been on my mind all day. It's been bothering me. I have hid it pretty good from the husband and the kids because the last thing I need is my husband thinking I am going crazy. This is the first time that while I love my husband with all my heart a corner of my heart is stinging. So just in case it was him. Just incase he is infact my guardian angel I am glad I got a glimpse of him. Now I am going to take a shower, a xanax, and relax. 



Simply Kendra said...

I remember Doug he was so sweet and I know he was so in love with you. So sorry you had to go through this. Big hug and kiss chica.



Jen Sparkles said...

Awe, Thank You. It has taught me that not every day is promised. My husband doesn't leave the house without hearing I love him and getting hugs. Love back at you!