Sunday, November 27, 2011

It's Naughty list time!!!!

A wonderful way to get your naughtiness out. It was started by a crazy, no holds barred, balls to wall chick! Seriously, if you don't believe me head on over and read her blog. While you are there join the Naughty List and follow her blog. You will not be disappointed! 

This week my naughtiness is not at all that naughty. I decided that I have to have sex when I want it! Not when the husband wants it. I got inebriated last night in hopes of having some dirty wild sex, but I was stalled in my tracks! So, when I got told not right now I am still stressed I said " Fuck this I will do myself" So, I got close with my fave toy, made myself happy, and became content. Then when he came to bed I rolled over and ignored him! I have needs and wants and I will not go without because he needs a minute. You make me wait and I will make you wait!

I also decided that I will be taking more time for me. Yes, this is something I haven't done for a long time! So I planned a trip for me and the kids to visit a friend while he goes to Louisiana being an escort! The kids and I will enjoy the three days doing every crazy thing we can do. While the kids can't bar hop or partake in strip clubs we will have fun! I booked a sexy photo shoot for one of those days just for mommy! So it's going to be awesome! What a better way to celebrate a 70 pound weight loss!!!!!

See, not naughty in the least. I know it isn't as cool as the linky creator but give me time. The Holidays bring out the naughty in me! Usually its more evil, but still naughty. Have a wonderful week.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Really, why make an Angel struggle?

Today was a long day for all of us. My precious little angel "Diva" had a full seizure and 2 partials. Now I know most of you are going "Come on Jen and woman up." These particular seizures hit me as if I was driving 85 mph and slammed straight into a brick wall that didn't budge! You see "diva" started having seizures at the age of 14 months! They followed a hard 14 months. She died not once but 3 times before she turned 6 months.

She never hit the milestones the other babies or her siblings had hit by 6 months. She was 13 months before she pulled herself up. Looking at her you would never had guessed that. She was smiling and always happy. The night she had her very first gut wrenching seizure she smiled within 2 seconds of coming out of it. This was the day she had her tongue clipped due to being tongue tied. (Mommy was a big ball of mess!)

She went on for the next 4 years having seizures despite the medication. At the age of four they found her ear canals were blocked. She was 85% deaf. They unblocked the ears and placed tubes. Her hearing became perfect. Within weeks she was uttering words. She started singing. We discovered her love of music had increased.

We were told then that it would be a miracle if our angel was with us at her sixth birthday. That birthday came and went. The seizures stopped and her learning was taking off. She had started down the road that appeared to lead her to being on track for her age. Over the course of the past year we have noticed her short term memory loss. She was forgetting what she learned 3 weeks prior. As of last week we found out in fact she is now back at a first grade level. She is 9!

As I sat in her meeting at school and listened to those teachers go over everything my heart sank. We couldn't understand how this could have happened. Well, the answer hit me at 7 this morning when I walked in her room and found her having a seizure. Suddenly everything was clear. The seizures were back and they were back with a fury.

She had one on the way to the hospital and one in the waiting room. With each seizure I saw the lines on her face, the draw on her mouth on the right side, and the terror in her eyes. My poor baby smiled through it all. It never phased her, but took years off me. Her EEG was severely abnormal. So bad to the point where the Neuro Doc was questioning the reading. After 7 hours we left with a seizure medication to start, a Genetic counseling appointment, a date for hospitalization, and ton of stuff to process.

Most of all questions! How can this happen? What did I do wrong? Why would such an angel be cursed with something else? How can God have this kind of plan for such a strong little girl who has already suffered so much? It's not fair. I can't help but think of something a wise friend said to me, "God doesn't give you something you can't handle."

My little girl is so caring, so happy, so strong, and always sees the good in everything and everyone! I am so mad that I can't take this from her! To take the pain away and know she will be alright. The hardest thing to swallow is the fear of not knowing. The fear of listening to yet another doctor mutter, "You have to understand that this could be fatal. She could end up with irreversible damage. "Diva" could have an underlying condition that could result in a not so great outcome."

What is a mother to do? Right now I want to scream, hug the crap out of her, and wrap her in bubble wrap all at the same time! I am lost!

"Diva" at a week old
"Diva" at a year
"Diva" today

I refuse to believe we can't beat this! I will not give up. My baby girl will be alright!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Wow, didn't see that coming!

It's been so long since I have blogged on the regular. Things have been all crazy and up in the air. Finally settled in at the new house. Can't say that I love it here. I actually hate it here. Did I mention I hated it here? Every street has drama. Every post has it's share of problems. I just seem to live in the middle of the shit no matter which post we move to. It's like I am a magnet for shit that will go wrong. It's quite funny actually.

I am the type of person that will stop talking to someone if I think they aren't my type of person. I learned my lesson years ago about being someone I am not. I will not be friends with someone that goes against everything I think is right. It's my decision to keep myself surrounded with positive people. Though I am aware that everyone has flaws. EVERYONE.

I have flaws. I do things people think are wrong. I understand that not everyone likes a completely fabulous person. OK, so that is not completely true. I am not completely fabulous, but I am damn close! I love my children and husband very much. I wouldn't dare dream of cheating on him and throwing everything I worked hard on away. I try to do the right thing almost 90% of the time. I think that is a good percentage, but to others they want 100% of the time.

Now that I have rambled on I will sort of get to the point I am making. I have worked hard to be a better person. Anger management was the hardest thing in the world to endure but I have mastered it. I don't believe in going off half cocked anymore. ( I said Cock!) Anyway! I will let things build up to a point where it needs to be addressed. I have grown wiser in my years and know that slapping the stupid out of someone doesn't get you anything but a CHARGE. I think the best quote I saw today was "You can't shake the stupid out of people!" Lord knows I wish I could, but it's not worth it.

Don't mistake my silence for weakness and fear!

I am a woman who has scars. I have been kick while down and kicked people while they were down. I learned from my mistakes and vowed to never repeat them. Life isn't forever! Life isn't easy! We didn't get a manual on how to get out alive because we don't get out of it alive!
If you don't like me that is on you. If you think I have issues then to you maybe I do. I am me. That is all I can ever be. If you think you are better then me GREAT! Everyone should have a high self-esteem. =) If you are talking about me behind my back then kiss my ass while you are there!

Haters make me famous!