Sunday, March 20, 2011

Life just isn't fair!

I have been working out for hours at a time since Friday, I have been crying constantly, and I feel so fucking helpless! The little prince was taken from us at 1:30 am on Friday morning, After being in the ER since 4 pm on Thursday! They have sent him to a psychiatric hospital in Shreveport. My poor sweet little baby boy was hearing voices again and they were telling him to do horrible things again. Nothing is worse then knowing you can't help your baby who has a terrible illness.
Our little princes has Skitzophrenia, ADHD, he suffers from PTSD, and he has an anxiety disorder. He was already on several medications to make his life easier and to stop the voices, but the medication for the psychosis wasn't working. This is the third time our little man has had to leave us for inpatient care. I was accepting that he had to go, but not prepared for anything else. I knew what was going to be the outcome of the ER but I wasn't ready to accept the fact that my baby was being taken from us again.
To see his little face turn red and the tears as he had to say goodbye were enough to kill me.
The girls were at a good friends house, THANK GOD, so they had no clue he was gone. After watching him load up in the ambulance I figured I would see my baby in 72 hours, go for family visits, and eventually bring him home when they fix his medication again. We found out Friday morning that isn't the case this time! We will not be bringing our baby home from this hospital. This hospital will be stabilizing him in preparation for a Residential Treatment Center!
I will not have my baby home in my arms for at least 6 months! It could end up being a year!  How do you cope with that? How do you tell his siblings who are attached to him at the hip? How on earth could such a sweet little boy have to suffer from such a terrible illness?
From the begining of the disgnosis I have childproofed my home to avoid dangers. Knives, sharp objects, and dangerous things are where he can not get to them. If they are out side in the back yard I check on him every 5 minutes. That's if I am not out there with them. I have worked so hard to keep him safe and I feel like I have failed him. I  know he is a good place and that this is what he needs but damn I want my baby back! I want to hear his little feet running down the stairs, I wanna hear all the stories about Halo, and I want to be able to wake him every morning and see his smile.
Nate and the girls are suffering so bad also. Which is even harder on me because I can't take their sadness away and help them get better. I feel so bad for them and watching them cry for Ethan makes my heart worse. I try to stay positive in front of the girls so that they don't worry or stress about me. The girls don't know about the longterm care yet. We have chosen to wait on that because they have some important testing coming up in school that their passing to the next grade depends on. So we have to think about their education. And honestly, I can't bring myself to heart them anymore. They are going through so much with just knowing he is in one place again.
We do get to pick the residential treatment center though. So this weekend I am researching all kinds of places. We are very limited because most programs are for the age of 12 and up. Finding one for a 7 year old is a little harder. Not to mention knowing we are deciding on a place that will have my little princess is heartbreaking. I thought it was a good idea that they are letting us pick, but as the research goes on I find it hard to pick one.
I will be updating on Ethan as I can bring myself to write. It's a rough time for us right now and it will be this way for a while. Between traveling to see him just 2 hours away for now, and getting things together for our move. Then we will be traveling 6 to 8 hours away when they transfer him.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The road to fabulousness week 2!

I have been working my ass off, counting calories, and sticking to my diet! Though, I did have 5 girl scout cookies seduce me the other day. It wasn't that bad. I just did an extra 100 calorie workout and counted them as a snack. Things are still going good. I have only dropped 8 pounds this week. That's a total of 25 pounds in 2 weeks! I think that is awesome. I am forced to stop my 2 a days this week due to inflaming an old injury. It totally sucks but it is my own fault for pushing myself so hard. With only losing 8 pounds I still noticed that I have lost more inches on my stomach! I think that is from the machine and doing the crunches with 60 pounds of weights. I am up to 2 miles a day on the treadmill with an incline of 4! I also managed to do 5 squats with 250 pounds on the bar! So it will not be long and I will have all my leg strength back! My legs have always been strong but now I am getting my definition back to my muscles. My back is also coming along nicely! By the end of May I am looking at having abdominal plasty to remove the extra skin that will not be able to be tightened and to have my muscles in my stomach tightened. I am almost to the goal to have the skin removed. So with any luck I will be back to my pre-children body. At least to the healthy Jen. Not the skin stretched over bone Jen.
I have noticed the past 2 days that after my sensible dinner I have been violently sick. I have struggled for years to no longer get sick after I eat, but for some reason the urge is overwhelming. The husband and I agreed that is it continues I may need to stop taking the OxyElite Pro. I have only managed to consume about 800 calories for the past 3 days. I am burning about 400 calories a day. That is not healthy at all so I have had to add some snacks, more iron, and more protein. I will be doing another update next week. If I have to discontinue use I will be updating before next week.
Have a wonderful week and weekend everyone! Makeup Mondays will return starting Monday! 

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Moving... not soon enough

So much has happened since I got to blog last time. I realize it's been forever in a day since I even had a personal post. My diet and exercise has taken over! Which is totally awesome! I have also been back and forth with my son. After failed attempts with this hospital and the quacks that they have had treating him we finally got a decent doctor! She sent us to a doctor an hour and a half away to get testing to see if we can get some answers and boy did we! After two admissions to psychiatric hospitals in year we finally have an answer. They never once tested him while he was in the hospital! Which we are working that issue! It took 2 hours and 3 tests to get a clear diagnosis and a new understanding. He was diagnosed with a few things and one in particular was heard to hear. My little man was diagnosed with Paranoid Skitzophrenia. On top of that he has ADHD, ODD ( obsessive defiance disorder), OCD, ( Obsessive Compulsive Disorder),  PTSD (post traumatic stress syndrome) and an anxiety disorder. It's a lot of labels for a 7 year old to have. That worries me. Nothing worries me more then the Paranoid skitzophrenia! That is fucking with my head severely! He mention autistic traits as well. The diagnosis doctor said as he gets older the other labels will probably be dropped, but the one that will always be there is the Skitzophrenia. That is hard for a mother to hear.
His doctor is doing the finalizing of the steps to insure a move to a better facility for him and I couldn't be happier. We are heading to Fort Carson, Fort Hood, or Fort Campbel. Either one has a wonderful facility and staffed better then here. Not to mention they have the needs for the other children as well. So yea. I have been busy, ran into the ground, and crying a lot! I hope you are all doing well and at some point I can blog regularly again

The OxyELITE update Week 1

I am a little late on the update. OK so 3 days late. Shoot me. LOL.
The first week has been nothing short of AWESOME! I am taking 2 pills in the morning and 1 in the afternoon. I am supplementing 2 meals with Slim Fast Meal Bars, working out in the morning at the gym, playing Kinect You Shape Fitness in the evening, and drinking a lot of water. The results are CRAZY! As of today (which is 10 after the start) I am down 17 pounds and I am down one pants size. Things are fitting differently and I have so much energy!!! I don't get jitters or nervousness from taking these. I do feel chills and sometimes hot flashes. BUT this is a Thermogenic and it raises your body temp. It appears to work. Tuesday I am starting a 7 day cleanse process. I think I may need to clear out the rest of the sludge that is left from my old eating and drinking habits.
I have gone to the extreme this week so you may not see the results I have seen. As with all diets and supplements results do vary. My friend and her husband started it Friday and I will be comparing their progress with mine so you can see another person's results.
I am so excited it's working and I can't share this wonderful product with my readers. I do not recommend this if you are not used to caffeine and only want to lose like 10 pounds. I believe that would be a bad choice. 
I have taken before shots of my body so that at the end of each cycle I can post before and after. If this keeps up and I will down 5 sizes by summer. Possibly sooner. I am already in better shape so I am going to start running in the mornings ( which will replace the Kinect Fitness game) and hitting the gym at night for strength training. I will start that next week. I am keeping with the initial plan for the following week to see if I can continue with the same progress. I look forward to sharing another update filled with success!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Road trip to Fabulousness 4 day Update

It's been four days since the start of the Road Trip to Fabulousness! I have been working out and have had a ton of energy! Day four with no jitters from OxyELITE Pro! No crashing feeling either! The best part!!!!!! 10 pounds in 4 days!!!!! I already have clothes fitting differently. I couldn't be happier. I am anxious to see what Thursday brings! I started the two pills in the morning and one in the afternoon and still no jittery nervous feeling. I felt alert, awake, and full of energy! My calorie intake is between 800 to 1000. Usually closer to 800 but I am thinking I am stressing the body with the workouts so I added an extra snack to be on the safe side. I added a Yogurt snack to mid day.
The headaches from my Coke adiction are finally over and I am pleased to announce that I still have a coke in the fridge untouched! Go ME! It's looking to be easier then I thought to get to the Sexier more Fabulous Jen!!!!! I couldn't be happier! 

21 Questions

Daisy has decided to play nice this week. She just wants to get to know you. Do you dare play the cleanest 21 questions ever? Its easy copy the questions, grab my button and link on up!

1. How old are you?

33 for 15 more days

2. What's your favorite color?


3. First car you ever had sex in?

I believe that was a 1980-something Ford F-150 

4. Favorite rated R movie?

SuperTroopers... is that R? Damn

5. Favorite flavor of popsicle?


6. Banana or apple?


7. Favorite Jersey shore character?


8. Are your nails painted and if so what color?

They are half orange half white

9. Favorite animal?


10. If you could bang a disney character who would it be?


11. What time is bed time?

anywhere between 10pm and 2 am

12. Do you have kids?

Of course! 2 handsome little men and 2 beautiful little girls

13. Last time you bought a toilet brush?

Today when I killed mine

14. Double penetration ( come on I had to get one in)

Been there done that. Not repeating that one

15. Bubble bath or long hot shower?

I like both

16. Can you speak a foreign language?

Yes.. I can, but I choose not to speak anything but English

17. Describe yourself in 2 words?

Crazy & Fabulous

18. How many tattoos do you have if any?

6 so far

19. How do you like your eggs?

I don't really care for eggs, but I like over medium if I have to eat them

20. How do you get rid of a hickey...

You don' Though I was told once that toothpaste fades them


 21. Favorite color to wear.

Pink and Black

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Westboro Baptist Church.........

I have decided to put my skills to work for a good cause! I am organizing a trip to the Westboro Baptist Church. I want to picket those bitches like they picket funerals! My goal! I want to shit on their lawn. That's right, You might think it's nasty but they have done far worse. They are a hate group. This is not a church. A hate group that is supported by Freedom of Speech. The very same freedom that our military has given them. Yet they picket at our fallen hero's funerals! They are against homosexuality. Not cool!
All of their website names are against the world. They promote hate and it's time to do something about it! I know there is more of us in this world then there is of them! If we all join together we can force them out! If Obama can get voted into office and make the mistakes he has then we can make a GOOD change as Americans! 
These people need to stop! They need to be taught a lesson! Now I know not everyone is for homosexuality and gay marriage. To each their own! BUT I SUPPORT IT! Not everyone agrees with this war going on, but those men and women that lost their lives don't deserve to be represented like this! I SUPPORT OUR TROOPS! The only way the United States is going to stand strong is if we stand together. If we allow a group like this to continue what is next? Seriously, think about it! Please join me in my fight against the Westboro Baptist Church! It requires no donations. Just reach out to fellow Americans and join the fight against them!
There is a road trip in the works. This will be carried out!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

On the road to summer

As you all know I love my makeup. OK it's more like an addiction, but its a good addiction! I have decided that I need to be even more fabulous then I already am. I have embarked on a new journey that will lead to a sexier, more fabulous, and happier me. I have added some new things to my already existing improve me plan.
This morning I started taking OxyELITE Pro! It's a Super Thermogenic. Why did I add a pill? Simple, a lady I know added it to her already in place plan and she lost 30 pounds in 8 weeks! I have seen the results first hand! Only in her case she had two meal supplements a day and only worked out twice a week. Her only complaint was charlie horses in her legs at night. That's a no brainer. She needed potassium!
Since it is a Thermogenic you take 6 to 8 weeks course of them and then take 2 to 4 weeks off.
My plan is way different. I am supplementing 2 meals a day. Now I have varying options. Though it's usually a Slim Fast Meal Bar or a Slim Fast Shake. I love the idea of eating a bar that is pretty much a Butterfinger ( the chocolate peanut butter one) candy bar and knowing it's helping! With adding the OxyELITE the want for snacks will not be there anymore so I added a potassium supplement and a protein supplement. Trust me I do not want my fucking legs cramping up at night and I don't want this pill eating my muscle! That is not an option! For dinner at night I bought a 2 week supply of the Healthy Choice microwave dinners. I only opted for those to see if that would make a difference. For dessert I am going for apples and bananas. My workout plan isn't changing. Cardio workout for an hour a day everyday, weight training 3 times a week, and the abdominal workout every night. Yes it's a lot, but I was seeing results before I added the pill. There is no way I shouldn't be able to drop all the weight by summer. Plus I have promised my husband that if I do in fact get the 30 pound weight loss in 8 weeks I will put the pills down for good.
She didn't gain any of her weight back when she stopped taking OxyElite either. HUGE FUCKING PLUS!
So we shall see how weight loss goes every Thursday!
I took the pill at 6:30 this morning. I felt alert and had energy within 30 minutes. No jittery feeling or nervousness. I have gotten warm flashes, but that is because it's a Thermogenic. I did notice that during my morning cardio I did sweat more then usual. Nothing a shower can't fix, and besides if I don't end my workout sweating my ass off I feel I didn't work hard enough!
I will (as I said above) check every week for progress. I will also keep track of side effects and things I notice. So far so good!
Oh and you only take 2 a day!!!! So pill number 2 will be at 12:30.
I have drank 3 bottled waters so far this morning. I actually want water! Which is fucking awesome considering I hate water!