OMG, a revelation!

After having several conversations with my awesome long lost bestie Angela I have sat an thought long hard about several things. Angela was the first person my ex introduced me to at Fort Hood 10 years ago! OMG, has it been that long? Sure as shit it has! Through our many nights of closing down Wild Country to our many lunches and dinners at Little Italy we always had a great time. Yes, trying to figure out which girl Stephen was fucking that week and stalking her Ex in the middle of the night was also fun. Stephen is my ex for those of you that don't know his name. I rarely use the name because my children go into fits if they even see it!

Angela was there when Zoe was born, and a lot of times she was the good angel on my shoulder. I introduced her to Mike (which is her husband) and well that led to a set of twins and little Mike Jr. She had Christian already when we met. I must add that Aryanna had quite the crush on Christian at an early age...lol. The first time she met the little boy she hit him over the head with his own toy. ( yes, I know before you comment she gets it from me!) We lost contact for a little while and I am so happy that we have found each other again! My oldest is just as happy! So happy she wants to move to Colorado! We have had a great time just reliving everything and catching up that it has caused me to think.

Yes, I hate my sorry ass ex-husband for the things he has done to me and the way he is with the children. That will not change. But what I realized was I am so very lucky he was such a sorry piece of shit! Had he not been a complete douche and a horrible ass husband I wouldn't have met my soul mate. The children and I wouldn't be the happy family we are now. So I guess I should send him a Yahoo message telling him how happy I am that he was a complete douche bag and I should thank him for giving me a wonderful life! OK, so I can't do that because technically that would be contacting him and I am not allowed to do that! So if you are reading my blog and you know him... Tell him I said Thank You.

 Let's be real, I know someone who talks to him reads my blog. Hell, he may even read it and get the Thank You first hand. Either way, I said Thank You. 

A king and his royal seat

This week has been full of sick kids, sick mommy, and very sick daddy. I love my husband with every inch of my heart and I can most assure you I would do anything to protect him. This man gives the youngest daughter a load of shit on a daily basis. Yes I said load of shit. Deal! She will sit in the bathroom and play her DS. The girl will sit there for an hour just playing. It's cute. She also sings the minute she steps into the bathroom. She is a one woman show! This evening we were joking around and he went to bathroom. To my surprise in the middle of hearing him singing the poop song he spouted off that he was playing his DS and pooping. In our house humor is a must! If you can't laugh at yourself then who can you laugh at?

My husband is a clown! So much a clown I was allowed to surprise him and share this picture with you!

This is the same man that gave me these wonderful shots.....

Nate I love you! I love you more and more each day. I will never be able to put into words the way I feel about you. I can put it into words, but those words don't even begin to cover my love for you! Each time I see your face walk through the door I fall even more in love with you!

With that being said. My husband is retarded..lmao! 

Dead beat dads SUCK

How can a man walk away from his children, but yet say he loves them? How can they miss every Holiday? It's crazy. They start out being a great father. Well they seem that way at first. They don't have any contact with their children but yet they offer advice to other parents. My children's sperm donor doesn't know a thing about the children. He has no clue what they like, what they are in to, and how their personalities are. My husband is adopting them this year. I am overly joyed that we will be a complete family and that the children do not have to bother with sperm donor's name any longer. Personally I am glad to see that last name go. It has nothing but pain and suffering attached to it.

Now I have heard excuses. He can't stand to be around me so he doesn't call them. He doesn't want to talk to me so it's easier to not be around them. I don't give a damn what it took. I hate him with a passion, but if these kids were there I would call and visit! It's being a parent. Just because you divorce the mother doesn't mean you divorce your kids. Good dad's don't do that! Good dad's don't say it was a dark time in their life. He thinks he is a great parent. He has never done anything wrong by these kids. The asshole can't see the big picture. Picking the new wife over your children isn't cool. Seriously, what kind of woman could sit there and encourage a man to not talk to his kids?  Does she think she will be different? Then again she was raised that way. She thinks she is better then American women. Fuck he has cheated on her! I have heard that from his own family! He will never change. I am left with the baggage of scars and feelings. I have learned from the mistakes I made in that marriage. He will never change. He doesn't know the meaning of vows.

I had to vent since we hit a road block in the adoption. Kind of. Thanks to the lawyer and all the money we have shell out there is a loop hole. We are now just waiting to see if it applies.

My shout out to Heaven

I refuse to believe you are gone when you die. I refuse to forget about the great memories I have of a time when I was so happy. You were taken so suddenly that it seemed unreal. Like a cruel joke. It took years to understand why things happened. Years to understand instead of sorrow I should be rejoicing that I got to spend that time with you. Now here it is almost 16 years later. Your eyes are so clear to me. Your face seems so perfect still. It always will. I know I will see you again. I know I will be able to hear your off key voice trying to sing again. Till then I want you to know that you are not forgotten. You will always have a place in my heart.

“You can shed tears that he is gone, or you can smile because he has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,

or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,

or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him only that he is gone,

or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back.

Or you can do what he'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

Rest in Peace My Dear Douglas and Happy Birthday!

Hump Me Music Day

After getting pretty much told my taste in music wasn't wanted at a new music link-up I tried I have decided that they can take the Christian link-up and suck a big toe. Seriously, show restraint next time, that isn't the kind of music we promote, and we have a PG rating. Ok, even some freaking Country music is suggestive! With that being said I am doing a HUMP day post with music about HUMPING! If you don't like Rap or Crazy fucking songs you should leave now! I have included 3 songs for your viewing and listening pleasure!

ENJOY!



Happy Birthday Guardian Angel

Today is my guardian angel's birthday.

Happy Birthday Doug.

It seems like yesterday. Waiting in Natchitoches for you to arrive. The little red truck you were so proud of. Hanging out at the game room. Seeing all your friends. It didn't seem like much back then, but today it seems like a lot. Almost 16 years and I can still see your smile. I can still see your blue eyes. I will forever remember you my first love. 

I have come along way in healing. My heart is now in someone elses hand. Though a piece of it is with Doug life had to go on. One day I know we will meet again. I can almost imagine that him and Nate would have been great friends. For all I know he could have had a hand in us meeting. I am so terribly sick today, but I had to gather the energy to wish him a Happy Birthday.

Have a wonderful day everyone.

21 questions... my answers

So it's 21 questions today! Yea. If you are easily offended just close the fucking window now! It's will save you from getting your panties or tighty whitey's in a bunch.

1. Did you have sex today?

Fuck NO! This fucking virus is kicking our ass!  

2. Did you have an orgasm in the last 24 hours?

Fuck NO, I hate being sick. Even worse I hate being sick when everyone else is sick!

3. Can you get off from a sexy text message?

Nope

4. I have a friend that can get horny watching the food network, what channel or show gets you off?

I have never thought about this... I do get horny watching True Blood!!!!!! Have you seen that tall ass Nordic Vampire! Eric is fucking HOT! 

5. Blow job while in a moving vehicle with the blow-ee driving.

YES, and it damn near killed me cause he couldn't multi-task. Seriously, ask for head while driving and then not able to maintain control of the car... Douche! 

6. Longest you have gone without sex?

Usually 12 to 14 months.... The Army has long deployments!

7. Longest you have gone without toys of any kind?

I haven't

8. Most uncomfortable place you have had sex?

I would have to say my parents bed..... yea I was a bad girl! I did that! Just to say I did it!

9. are you loud in the bedroom?

I used to not hold back... I have an 11 year old and we live in on post housing... paper thin walls... so yea there are alot of bites on the pillows, some scars on the hubby's back, and a few bite scars on his shoulders....lol

10. Do you like to be in control or have none?

I love it when he is in control! I have control issues, but for some reason in bed I like him to take charge.

11. How do you feel about choking?

No comment, I plead the fifth.... ;)

12. Have you ever vajazzled?

If you are referring to piercings.. Yes I have three below the waist!

13. Can you yodel? (remember I said I am drunk)

Um, that noisy shit people do on mountains.... No.

14. What is the sexiest thing you own in your opinion?

Either my lingerie or my stripper shoes!  

15. Favorite kind of alcohol that makes you horny?

Patron and Captain Morgan!

16. Have you ever had sex on a full bladder?

No, when I got to go I have to go!

17. Biggest turn on in a man and biggest turn on in a woman?

Man: tattoo's Woman: BOOBS!

18. Do you like oral sex?

YES, more please

19. Do you think you could watch your partner/signif other be with someone else?

Honestly NO.. I might kill them. I am being honest. I refuse to share the man I love on the grounds I have issues and baggage from a previous marriage. 

20. I am drunk remember so I am going to show a picture...wanna share?

There you go...lol See the toilet in the back ground! LMAO!

21. Have you ever tried Ben-WA balls?

Yes

Music Monday "Clown Love"

A little different Monday this week. Since I have been sick and out of energy I just couldn't do a make-up look this week. So this week I am joining

Monday's Music Moves Me

Just who do I have to thank for this wonderful idea?

None other then the great Guilty party herself!

This Monday it's open mic. I can share anything I want to share that gets me moving and well I have 2 gems for you. Clown Love!!!!!!!!

Enjoy!

Number 2 is... you guessed it. Clown Love!

I hope you enjoyed the clown love! Have a great evening!

Update to a shitty week

I haven't had time to blog due to being super busy. I have created a Mardi Gras look, created a new nail design, disowned my family, have been taking care of a sick daughter, and catching up on my everyday shit that I let slide for a week. I am so totally going without fucking sleep. I can't seem to get to sleep at a decent hour and when I do I fucking wake up at the crack of dawn. It's utterly fucking horrible.

If you are on the Facebook page you have had the horror of seeing the drama with my family play out. My little perfect angel sister fucking slammed me on one of my status updates and then had the nerve to trash me on her page. Nothing new the idiot doesn't think for herself and likes to run off at the mouth without thinking of the consequences of her actions. Her and my mother share the same attitude and house. She voices their views. I have had enough of them talking shit behind my back to everyone yet acting like they love me. Yes I say acting. Seriously they would throw me under a bus if my worst enemy gave them money to do it or if they thought it would make them look better. I have been the outcast for the better part of my entire life. They are Mormon. While yes it was me who introduced them to the church when I was 11 at the age of 15 I realized it was not for me. I couldn't give up my Cokes, I liked boys (and girls), I liked the affects that alcohol had, and I really liked the effects of smoking the occasional joint. I knew I was a freak and I would never be their pretty little girl who was going to be married in the temple. I knew I wasn't going to make it till marriage to have sex. I like sex. NO, I love sex....lol. I don't have issues with the Mormon church. I have friends that are Mormon that understand that is not for me. Honestly I haven't found a religion that I totally agree 100% with. I believe in God that is about as far as I am.

I am completely and totally out of energy and still can't sleep. I hope to have a make-up Monday post, but if I don't I do apologize. I refuse to take photo's of the massive black luggage bags and circles under my eyes. Nothing is hiding these. These bags are big enough to hold a dead body.

Have a wonderful everyone and I hope this week is better then last week for me. 

The country according to me!

After a brief conversation with my cousin last night I was left with a brilliant idea! If I could form my own country based off of the shit wrong with this one it would be fucking awesome! So I thought about what a Sparkling Country would be like and what would it allow.So I will outline the Constitution of the Sparkling Country.

1st. Hate crimes are punishable by death. Meaning, If you physically, emotionally, or mentally harm an individual because of their race, gender, religious preference, sexual orientation, or body size you will be punished severely! There are no loop holes! Once a court finds you guilty. You die!

2nd. If you protest at a soldiers funeral, outside a hospital, or any place that has do with the military you will be punished. First offense you lose your hands, second offense you lose your tongue, and third offense you die! It's simple. Support our troops!

3rd. Every person will obtain a license to reproduce. If you can not pass the test to reproduce you will be sterilized. If you have a child without having a license and are found unfit you will be sterilized and the said child will be placed with a family that can care for your child. There will be no children neglected! Children are a blessing not an accessory!

4th. Crimes against women are punishable by death. This includes rape, abuse, mental abuse, and emotional abuse. If you rape a woman you will raped by the biggest penis possible and then put to death. End of story. No loop holes!

5th. Crimes against children will be certain death! No if, ands, or buts!

6th. Marijuana shall be legal. You can grow your own plants. There will be no tax on it. If your friends have plants that are not producing you may share as you like.

7th. You can consume alcohol at the age of 18. If you can take a bullet for your country you can drink a beer in your country!

8th. Marriages are legal for anyone that wishes to share their life with someone. No one shall be denied the right to marry. If a minister of the service refuses to marry someone based on who they are marrying then the minister shall be accountable for the action. See number 1!

9th. No sagging pants allowed! If someone can see your undergarmets or lack of undergarmets you will be punished. Should you break that law your pants will be super glued to your waist line. No one wants to see your shit stains or your hairy ass crack!

10th. Smoking cigarettes is allowed in establishments in smoking areas. If you are a non smoker there will be a room for you sit in. Smokers have rights also!

These are a few things that would be put into effect in the Sparkling Country. If you would like to see more feel free to add them in the comments.

If you don't agree, Fuck you, it's my country!

The nails of today....

I did my nails today and thought I would share them. I used the bright orange polish I picked up at Claire's.(It takes 3 coats to get it dark and dries a matte finish! Not worth the 5 bucks but top coats can make it pretty!)

I put black on the tips bringing it to a point. (More like a V shape.) Then I put a wide layer of silver gliter keeping the V shape. It's fairly simple to do. I am doing another nail blog tomorrow. That is the reason this one is the straight to the point. I hope you like it!

My camera is sucking so I apologize for the bad picture. This is really a really bright orange. Like a hunting vest! It's pretty, bright, and I added sparkles.

It's finally here!! Simply Kendra!!!!!

Simply Kendra is finally taking orders! Yes, Ladies her site is up and running! It's sooo cute! 

CLICK HERE FOR THE SITE 

She has a Mardi Gras special going on that is fabulous!!!!

 There are only a few of these specials available so make sure you rush over and get one!

I will include swatches of the colors for you just in case you need a reminder of how great these eye shadows are! They are simply amazing. Super blendable and a wonderful color pay out!

 These are all swatches without primer or anything under them! This way you can see the true color payout and see how wonderful they are!

You can get sample bags for 1 dollar. 3 gram jars are 3 dollars. The 5 gram jars are 5 dollars! Super affordable and super nice! So please bounce on over and take a look!

 REMEMBER WITH SIMPLY KENDRA THE COLORS ARE SIMPLY AMAZING!

 Her blog is also amazing. Her ideas are fresh and creative. So make sure you follow her blog.

The blog is here

Follow her on FaceBook

FaceBook is here

Keep checking for specials and new products. There are more products to come!

This is bad... Brace yourself for Hate!

I put a lot of time on my nails. I pride myself in not having to pay to have someone else do them. I used to, but that changed for personal reasons! One of which I was reminded of when I went to the mother fucking shopette to get cokes! I am standing in line minding my own fucking business. OK so I was texting, but I wasn't all up in someone elses business. Unlike the bitch behind me. Now I noticed her Louis Vuitton carrying ass the minute she got behind me. She had on way too much perfume, dark WHORE red lipstick and a dress that was Zoe's size! Literally looked like she was going to the nearest corner. Well she had a friend with her and they were both chatting louder then I cared to fucking hear. New Flash... I have a problem with people who speak broken English! Yes hate me for it I don't care! As I shift the cokes to the other hand (since the cashier is taking her time) the bitch behind me has the nerve to make this comment, "You see her nails. That is why American women pay us to do their nails. They can't do that shit themselves."

For those of you that know me you should be able to guess what happened next.

Yep, I turned around. I can't keep my mouth shut. I refuse to be insulted in my own country by a fucking visa searching drinky girl who gives head for 5 dollars! This was my reply to her. (BTW this is where you want to stop reading if you are easily offended. Don't say I didn't warn you!)

I said, "What the fuck did you just say? I don't pay bitches like you to do my nails this mother fucking American does her own. I am not about to pay some two bit nasty fucking whore who was blowing GI's in Korea just to get here so you could do my mother fucking nails. So you can take your fake ass Louis hop a plane and go back to the land of whores where your nasty gum guzzling ass belongs!" Yes, she was Korean! Without so much as a fucking word she put her stuff on the nearest shelf hung her nasty ass head and walked the fuck out! I must have gotten louder then I thought cause I had everyone in the damn store staring at my ass. Which was bad cause I had a pony tail and was sporting sweat pants! I quietly put my cokes on the counter and the cashier looked at me and started laughing her ass off. Mr. MP wasn't so happy with my little show until the cashier and 2 other people told him what the skank said. I told him he should be lucky he wasn't calling the bitch an ambulance cause my 12 pack of cokes was going upside her head.

So with this being said. Watch who fucking insult in the line at the grocery store! Some of us Americans aren't afraid to whoop your ass for getting stupid!

New colors to play with...

I got the last two NYX Jumbo Eye Pencils!!!! I got another yellow and the teal. It matches the new polish... so I will be doing a matching look at some point. I also received another massage candle that I ordered!!!! I can't wait! This one is Lavender and comes with a spoon! More excitement coming this weekend!! It's been a blah rainy day here so I haven't done much except shop online and shop online. Did I mention I was shopping online! I think I may end up grounded after the MAC order, but it's so worth it!

I am a MAC Whore!!!! I just love them! I am waiting on an order from Sugar Pill Cosmetics and another Eye Kandy order. I have to have my bright colors and my glitters! Spring is coming and I have a ton of new ideas I want to try before it gets here! I am also working on a Valentines Day look. I am branching out of purple and pink. Shocking I know! Seriously, a girl has to try new colors. That and I have to use at least 1 pair of these lashes! I got a new set that has red hearts on the corners and red glitter on them! I am so excited to see what they look like on. So I will be wearing red. Not to excited about red lipstick though. I never could pull it off. I have a friend that wears it to death and she just looks like a cheap whore trying to make a buck or two. Red isn't for everybody and I feel I am one of those that should run from it. I hope you are all enjoying your Tuesday. I am damn sure trying to enjoy mine.

I opened a can of worms for my daughter

I have thought long and hard. My daughter has been asking about her older sister that lives in the same town we do. Her sister is from a previous relationship her father had before him and I met. Sadly I think that one ended with him cheating also, but that is beside the point. I have always raised the children to know they have an older sister. It's never been kept from them. Now that my daughter has gotten older she wants to get to know her sister. The mother and I don't speak though. With Facebook being the place to find people these days I set out to found her. I can't deny my daughter the chance to get to know her sister. I felt there was no harm in contacting her.

It could go either 2 ways. The children get to meet their sister or the mother doesn't allow it. Now throughout this whole time their father has told me that the mother doesn't consider my children to be her daughters siblings. After being raised with only my sisters and then finding out I had a brother and sister in Ohio I can imagine how my daughter feels. To her that is her sister. I guess maybe I am second guessing myself. I stated it was for the children. That I didn't want to discuss him at all. I just want the children to get to know each other since they live literally 20 minutes from each other. If we stay here chances are they will end up in the same school. Maybe I should have left it alone but I wanted to honor my daughters wishes. I know how much it means to her. I am just not sure what to tell her if the mother doesn't allow it. Any ideas? I know some of my readers may have some type of experience with this. Maybe even advice. Was I wrong to ask? I hate not knowing if I did the right thing. Usually I know if I did the right thing, but for some reason I am second guessing this one. I guess I am just worried on what I am going to tell my daughter if the mother doesn't allow it! ARG!

Make-up Monday's Purple Passion

This make-up Monday's theme is purple! Which works perfectly for me since I love purple and I love my Simply Kendra "Naughty Librarian". 

Babe Rockin Mami is throwing this wonderful link up! So if this is your kind of thing hop on over and join in the party.

You can click here if you missed the other link!

So off we go on the journey to my Purple Passion!

1.I started with Urban Decay Primer Potion. There is nothing like it! I swear by this!

2. I applied the ELF Eye Transformation Palette in the purple undertone shade to the corner of my eye.

3. I then applied the purple NYX Shade Stick to my entire lid and up to the crease. Then blended it up.

4. I used Simply Kendra's "Naughty Librarian" for the outer half of my lid and blended in in towards the corner and up over the shade stick making sure there were no harsh lines.

5. I then applied MAC's Carbon to the outer corner and blended into "Naughty Librarian". I blended it up and into the crease. I went over the edges of the Carbon with "Naughty Librarian"

6.For my highlight I used a shimmery white from MAC. I can't recall the name because everything is faded.

7.I then applied purple liquid liner from Urban Decay on the lash line. I created a small wing and then went into the bottom outer third of the lower lash line.

8.I used "Naughty Librarian" on the bottom lash line and into the corner.

9. I applied Loreal Silver liner to the bottom lash line. This is another Favorite of mine! I can't live without it! 

10. I curled my lashes and applied Lash Blast. It was the only Mascara I could find thanks to my girls. 

11. I filled in the eyebrows with my NYX Eyebrow palette. 

Oh and on the lips... LORAC Tie Dye for Lip Gloss in Berry!

I decided to go darker then I normally do. I hope you like it. Sorry I don't have step by step photo's. My camera is crappy out and I am lucky I have photo's of the finished product. I included two different photos so you could see. 

The Pictures aren't the greatest, but it was midnight when I started it...lol

Socks colored by panties and randomness

Ugh, ever have one of those weekends where it seems to fly by but you feel like you never got anything accomplished? This is how my weekend went. I have been doing laundry since yesterday! It's now 8:30 p.m. and guess what I am still doing? You guessed it! More fucking laundry! Thanks to my children that wear uniforms to school. You would think it would cut down, but nope! Uniforms to school, come home and change, then shower and change for bed only to repeat that the next day! This uniform shit is for the fucking birds. I loaded everyone's socks into one pile. It's the worst load for me! I hate matching the fuckers! I might have 1 pair of socks a week. That if it's raining. I wear my flip flops, or my other various shoes that don't require socks. Socks bug me! I don't why they just do! Well Zoe seemed to have not been paying attention and placed her purple underwear in the pile. I don't pay attention to the pile because no one fucks with the laundry except me and that means it's OK. Not the case this time! I go to unload the washer and every fucking sock is a pale purple! While this is acceptable for the girls I can only imagine the boys in the house would be pretty embarrassed about the idea of wearing pale pink socks to school and PT.

I can't say both of them because there is some question to if Nate would be embarrassed about that. I see him parading around in them with his PT shirt tied in a knot saying "HAY BOYS". You just have to know his sense of humor...lol So while I sit here praying the 2 cups of bleach will make them white again the fumes are making me think. Either that or they are killing what few brain cells I have left. Anyway, I have decided to embark on a new journey in my life. I am looking into the field of nail technician! I love sitting here doing mine and well it would be nice to rake in the dough doing other peoples...lol. We shall see how that goes! Anyhow, I hope you all have a great week and I am looking forward to the kids returning to school. Yes I said it. Get over it. School is the only break I get.

I decided to add two photo's so you can see my crazy ass husband and his sense of humor. Enjoy...lol

There was no alcohol involved in these photos either!

I so totally got an amazing award!

I received an award this week! Its from an amazing girl! I am her addiction of the month! How cool is that?!

Seriously she is way awesome! She is another Military Spouse just like me! That alone makes her awesome by default. Her blog is super cute! It's purple and sexy! Once you see it you will agree. Well you better! I should have posted this the day I received it but I have been swamped with all kinds of shit! OMG, I need a vacation! Oh wait, I am so totally getting one! Which by the way she should be going with us on the girly Vaca to IMATS! So please jump over and visit the totally awesome chick that awarded me with being her addiction of the month!

Click here to visit her!

Once again, thank you for the awesome award! You are totally awesome and I love reading your blogs!



I believe in Angels

I completely and truly believe that our loved ones are among us.

Let me explain before I get to my point. When I was just 18. I had been blessed to meet and fall in love with a wonderful young man. He was perfect. The blondest hair and biggest beautiful blue eyes! I remember them so clearly. The day he proposed he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. That is what he did. In May of 95 God called him home. His time on Earth was over. At such a young age it was a hard thing to deal with. Having lost a great friend 6 months prior to suicide I couldn't understand how God could do this to me. I spent years. I do mean YEARS. In the bottom of every bottle I could find. I smoked everything I could find and even put shit in my arms to try to ease the pain. A good friend of mine told me everything happens for a reason. It was then that I looked back and saw what I was doing.

He spent the rest of his life with me like he wanted. I was trying to kill the pain (and myself 4 different time) and not seeing the happiness we had together. For years I blamed myself. I always will to an extent. I asked him to get off early so we could drive to see my parents an hour away. I blamed myself thinking had I not done that then maybe he would be alive. It took a long time to realize when your time is up it's up. There is a time clock on our lives and when it's time to go you check out. There is no wait just give me one more day. Though I wish there was!

It's been 16 years this May. I can still remember happy times we had. I still remember the pain. It will be there. I have fallen in love again and I truly believe Nate is the person I am ment to spend the rest of MY life with.

Now that I have filled you in. Today in the middle of running errands and doing the usual payday activites I hit a wall. Seriously. In Wal-Mart. I was watching my daughter get her hair cut and looked out to the registers because I just knew someone was looking at me. I had that feeling where something was telling me to turn around. When I did I almost passed out. Standing by the Valentines Day set up they had was a man that was the spitting image of Doug. He could have been his identical twin. The man was looking at the Salon and smiled the biggest smile. I turned back to see my daughter and looked back again only to see he was gone. To make myself sound even more psychotic this seems to happen every couple of years between Jan and Valentines Day. This is the first time it's happened in 5 years! It's just never this real. This guy had a strange kinda glow around him and well just seemed peaceful. 

It's been on my mind all day. It's been bothering me. I have hid it pretty good from the husband and the kids because the last thing I need is my husband thinking I am going crazy. This is the first time that while I love my husband with all my heart a corner of my heart is stinging. So just in case it was him. Just incase he is infact my guardian angel I am glad I got a glimpse of him. Now I am going to take a shower, a xanax, and relax. 

 

A Big Fuck You Friday!

It's that time of the week! That's right you guessed it!

FUCK YOU FRIDAY!

This week has brought about a good bit of change which has brought us to the BIG list this Friday! Some changes were good while others were not so good. Me being the bitch I am I just deal with shit and move on. That's just me. Life is way to fucking short to stress about little shit. Let alone stress about people I don't know. (AKA My FUCKING BITCH ASS  PIECE OF SHIT CUM GUZZLING GUTTER TRASH WHORE THAT NEEDS 2 BAGS OVER HER HEAD JUST SO HER HUSBAND CAN FUCK HER NEIGHBOR!!) So off to the list.

1. FUCK YOU weather for being a piece of shit! Seriously! I live in Louisiana. It's not supposed to be 21 degrees. If you are going to make it cold here give me snow!

2. FUCK YOU To the douche bag fucking neighbor with the broken car alarm! That shit is broke if it goes off every 30 minutes on it's own! Don't set the mother fucker! NOT ONE PERSON ON THIS SHITTY STREET WANTS YOUR SHITTY 1995 LINCOLN TOWN CAR! He should have gotten a paint job before he got them wheels and that stereo!

3. FUCK YOU To South Polk Elementary for calling at 10 pm to tell me my daughter had an absence! Seriously, is there a rash of 2nd graders skipping schools? What kind of kids go there?

4. FUCK YOU phone for deciding you didn't want to work. You made me use a fucking 10 dollar phone till tax time! Oh yes, I am getting the Windows Phone just so I can keep up with my gamertag! That's right! I am an XBOX junkie!

5. FUCK YOU W2 people for the Military! Making Active Duty wait till the 24th! Damn it! I wanted my phone before Valentines day!

6. FUCK YOU dresser for eating my damn tennis bracelet! He didn't spend all that damn money to have you FUCKING eat it! SHIT!

7. FUCK YOU Louisiana for having jacked up fucking ways! I have to wait 30 mother fucking days to be able to drive legally! If I get pulled over my license will be gone for 5 years! (Note to NATHANIEL: BUY ME A BETTER FUCKING RADAR DETECTOR!!!!!)

8. FUCK YOU Johnny Taliban for injuring our soldiers and taking their LIVES! You fucking suck! I swear to God they need to give me a couple of NUKES and when I am PMS'ing send me in! Problem solved! NUKE THE BASTARDS!!!!!!

This concludes the train wreck of FUCK YOUS for the week. I hope your weekends go great! If you have snow enjoy it. I know I would. Just not as much snow as some of you got!

Why did he say that?

My husband had me laughing and pissed at the same time! After seeing his friends status (who is on recruiter duty) that there are no vacancies for 11 B. (To civilians that is the MOS for Infantry) He got livid. He believes there is no need to have 40 fucking people to get your job done for you. Cut enlistment for MP's, Cooks, and Medics! Now mind you to him there is no greater job then Infantry. It's what he does. He gets paid to shoot the bad guys and kick in doors. They are the ones getting their hands dirty and leading the fight. Now don't get me wrong! I think they are the ones that are important. There are plenty of MOS's that sit in the FOB's and COB's and never leave the safety of those said bases. Every part of the Military is important! But I can see the husbands point!

Giving the fact that there is a deployment right now and seeing the guys under strength just goes to show the fuckers that put out those numbers are not paying fucking attention! To my fellow Military families.. Life is hard on the outside! The economy sucks ass and there are no jobs! So before you get out make sure you have a job lined up! You will not be able to come back in as Infantry! While we may have to put up with crappy housing, horrible (and I mean horrible) towns, and the occasional loss of electricity (at fucking 4 in the morning when its 24 degrees!) when something substandard breaks. We do receive steady paychecks, health insurance (even though Fort Polk could get better doctors), and dental insurance. Finding a job that offers the insurance and a decent pay check is next to impossible these days. My husband is determined to do this as long as his body and the military allow him to do this. I support that.

He has been stationed here for over 5 years! He is really fed up with the post, the area, and the lack of shit to do! Seriously it's like a fucking hour and half to find something to do and even then there isn't much for families. Fuck, Fort Lost In The Woods is much better then Polk! The drive to nearby towns is worth it! There is stuff to do! You can think I am a bitch all you want. Fort Polk sucks and I refuse to sugar coat it or hide it. I support the military and my husband. I just don't support Fort Polk being in the middle of no where with nothing to do!

I know its because I got spoiled by Fort Stewart! An hour away from Savannah! OMFG, can you say BEAUTIFUL! Fort Hood was great also! Killeen at least had a mall and mini golf. Complete with Go-carts and bumper boats. Not to mention Austin was an hour and a half away!

Now that I finished my rant and realized exactly how much I hate this place! I need to call the hubby and talk to him. I hope he has calmed down by now and realizes what part of that comment pissed me off. You may be surprised. It's wasn't about women on the front lines. Honestly I don't think we should leave that to the men! The part that pissed me off was knowing that I am openly Bi-sexual he had to say faggots! I don't think he was bashing them but the term faggot pisses me off. He doesn't have a problem with my gay friends. I think he just got pissy about the status and just went off without thinking. 

I want my warm AIR!

So yes I live in Louisiana. While it is not as cold here as it is in other others of the U.S it is still COLD! It's literally fucking freezing! I love hoodie weather but this is ridiculous! We live in military housing (which sucks) and this house is not insulated at all. My upstairs feels lovely! There is nothing like getting out of bed in the morning and being toasty warm. Then the minute you hit the landing on the stairs, a cold fucking wall hits you! I swear it's freaking 20 degrees colder downstairs!!!!! It's fucking ridiculous. I have thick curtains on all the windows yet the cold just seems to sneak in from somewhere that I guess I haven't found! (Well Duh, had I found it my house would be warmer downstairs!)

I would put plastic on the windows if the cold season lasted longer. You see here it could be 40 one day and be 70 the next. That and well I think the plastic on the windows is just something I don't want to put up and I damn sure don't want to take it down. If I have to put it up then most likely it will stay up for next Christmas...lol. I am not trying to give myself any added chores. Lord knows I got my hands full as it is!

I do feel sorry for those of you that are in colder areas. If I had snow to play in with this cold I would be a happier camper!

Life happens...

Though I know there are people that are expecting my blogs to turn evil and be filled with useless hate I am not that person.

There is no use to speak behind someones back or talk smack about people that I don't know.

On the other hand what I can do is take the mistakes that I have made and learn from them.

That is what I will do. I am fabulous, strong, and I am me. That is all I can be. My life and world are what some would call a train wreck waiting to happen. I love my crazy, out of control, and fun life.

 When I see wrong I try to right it. When I see injustice it makes my blood boil. Then again there is a lot of that in the world.

 It's called life.

We can not control life. What we can control are the things that we do in our life. Part of my resolution for the year was to be better organized. I am always looking for ways to be better organized. I could say I want to be a better me, but I love me. 

I have a lot ahead of me in the next couple of months. I have a husband deploying. I know the kids and I are going to have to be positive and be there for each other. The kids and I will be traveling for the family union in Ohio this summer. I will be attending IMATS in L.A. I have so much to do and will have so much to blog about. I am getting my Kat Von D tattoo this year! The very same week I will be in California for IMATS! I couldn't be more excited!!!!! How great is that?

I have so much to look forward to that hopefully I can cover the sadness of not having Nate home. We will be doing care packages every week. Which means I need to start on our ideas for our themes! Well, off to play some more Cityville on Facebook! Have a wonderful evening everyone!

Even more loss. My heart aches!

Sorry guys and gals this blog isn't all sparkles and shine. We have dealt with loss and injuries for a week now. The newest has me at odds with myself. A family that is dear to my heart lost a loved one today in a horrible accident. I know that I can not simply call or send a card like most, but I want to express my condolences. I truly hope the family can find peace and the strength to endure the loss they suffered today. I truly believe the little angel they have can make that happen. I can not share anymore because I do not know who all reads this blog. Just know my heart is with the family. It hurts as theirs does.

I also pray for peace of the families of the soldiers we have lost and those that are injured. Loss is a hard thing. I know it all to well and lately there has been a lot of loss in the world. May those injured fully recover. May the families of those Fallen Heroes find peace and comfort. 

My make-up Monday

CLICK HERE TO VISIT THE WONDERFUL LADY RUNNING IT

With everything going on I couldn't do a make-up look. I just couldn't bring myself to sit there. I did a nail look instead. I am just so sad and depressed that I can't even find the right words to describe it. I have dubbed it. "For the Queen"

It's simple. Pick a color you like and paint the whole nail. Next take another color that either compliments or contrast and put that on the corner. Then pick a glitter or white to line the color on the corner.

Enjoy!

I got featured!!!! Holy Flying Cows!

I have been featured along side some really great blogs! I feel honored! She has some great taste I must say! Just kidding! Don't get your panties in a bunch thinking I am full of myself. I am but shhhh  It is very nice to be recognized and to be with a great group of ladies means a lot to me!

Wanna know who featured me? I know you do.

CLICK HERE!

So please bounce on over and say hello! You never know. You may be next!!!!

Thank you for the shout out! I do appreciate it!

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!

Do you see the banner? Well do you? OMG! Simply Kendra has opened her Valentines Contest!!! That is right ladies!!!! OMG!

You can enter either by Video or Comment.

If you have Facebook (everyone has a fucking Facebook) find Simply Kendra and LIKE her! Yes, LIKE HER! Then leave her a comment on why you hate or love Valentines day! It's simple. The winner will be chosen RANDOMLY! 

CLICK HERE TO GO TO HER BLOG

There you will find the link to her blog. It contains the video describing everything. YES EVERYTHING!

So please have a look. Her eye shadows are AMAZING! They are part of the prize!!!!! You will not be disappointed. This is I promise!

A fresh new idea!

This Sunday I have chosen to start something new! The idea came to me from the very same woman who is responsible for me starting to blog.

Ange

She yet again has passed a great idea onto me! She joined:

Each week there are a list of items. You then take a photo of each item. (It's completely up to you on how you interpret the word or item.) I have decided that this link up is something that I have to do! I love taking pictures! So here is the list for this week.

1. Me

2.Resolutions

3.Treasured

4.Innocence

5.Primitive

Each week the list changes. Here is my list for this week.

This is me.....

This is the newest photo of me. I had just finished a make-up look inspired by my sister-n-law Cheyenne.

Resolutions 

I have decided that this year I am going to be more organized. This is one of 4 make-up drawers that are in complete chaos. I had everything in boxes, but that didn't work. With the resolution of being more organized not only am I doing my make-up, but all areas of my life. I firmly believe organization with cut down on my stress level.

Treasured

I made my husband and children sit still so I could grab this photo. These are treasures to me. I value them highly. They are my world. My everything. No it's not a fabulous photo. This is a very spontaneous photo. I gave no one a chance to change their clothes or fix their hair.

Innocence

I chose this simple children's toy of the Three Little Pigs. I reminds me of the period in my life when I was innocent and I had no cares or worries. The age when the only things that you have to be concerned with is what time do my cartoons come on and what time dinner is.

Primitive

To me this is both primitive and rustic. I love this table for many qualities. It is hand made, it's raw with no staining, and it's simply perfect. I refuse to stain it. I believe it's meant to be this way. It is topped with a lamp that is just as old and this is my favorite piece of furniture.

I am looking forward to next week. This promises to be an awesome Sunday adventure that challenges my mind as well as my photographic abilities.

If you would like to see next weeks list CLICK HERE!

Polks dot nails with Stripe

I decided I would do my nails. Again.

 This time I did a simple red with polka dots and a glittery silver stripe.

I used a plain red. Nothing fancy this time. I believe Color Works is the brand. You can use any color of course. I applied 2 coats as it is a little thin. OK well it's a lot thin. It's your cheap polish that comes in the holiday collections at Christmas. Yes I have cheap shit too! LOL.

I then got out my Konad white polish. I grabbed a piece of plastic and laid in on the desk. I had to then get back up because I forgot the damn toothpick! (I am always forgetting something when I try to do my damn nails!) I put a couple dots of the white on the plastic and started making dots with the toothpick. I have a detail tool for that, but I couldn't find it. (Go figure! I can't find anything this week.) I dotted each nail in a diagonal pattern. I let that dry for about 5 minutes.

Next I grabbed my silver glitter detail polish. I believe those are by L.A. Colors. I have a million different colors and well the silver glitter just sounded perfect. (I had to have some kind of glitter) I used the glitter for the diagonal line next to the dots. Keep in mind you can use any colors you want. (I am already redoing mine to black nails with pink and white dots.)

After the silver was dry I applied my top coat. I used the Konad top coat because I used the Konad white for the dots. (Honestly it was the only top coat I could find at the moment.) You can use any top coat.

This looks much better in person then the camera shows. I hope you enjoyed this nail look.

Experiment! That is the key. I can't count how many times I have been laying in bed and came up with an awesome nail idea.

LORAC... the REVIEW!

I got my LORAC shipment in today and I must say that I am 99.5% happy with it!

I order the Mocktail lip gloss in "SEX ON THE BEACH". It smelled really nice, but for a flavored gloss it tasted kinda bad. Cute bright pink color. Texture is great. Taste is BAD!

The second part of my order was the fabulous looking, LORAC LIMITED EDITION TIE DYE FOR LIP GLOSS COLLECTION

I FUCKING love these!!!!! They have glitter, matte, and contrasting shades in the same tubes! This provides one awesome shade! Yes Ladies! This is almost the best gloss I have ever used!!!!!! I would say best but thanks to LORAC the best will come last!

I provided a close up so you can see the sparkles and the colors. The one of this writing is the BERRY BLENDER. It's purple and I love it! While I love them. There are 2 shades that are just not me. I will be sharing these with a friend.

With my order I received free gifts!!!!! Free gifts are sooooo AWESOME! Especially when they lead you to falling in love!

First item is a cute little change purse, but will be used for my earrings in the suitcase known as my purse...lol

The second gift was a full size LOTSA LIP Plumping Lipstick. The shade is MISBEHAVIN. It plumps and looks great. The name fits me! Good job LORAC on that choice.

This is a neutral shade. However, I do love this! I can add my pink gloss to the middle.

The last free gift is the gift of all gifts! Yes Ladies I am truly in love! In LOVE! I have already ordered it from LORAC. I did that the minute I tried it out! With out further ado I give you....

Yes Ladies! The MULTIPLEX 3D LIP GLOSS is FUCKING AMAZING! This shade is another neutral but it makes a statement! The shade they sent is 3D it has gold glitter in it! I can see this shade being used with a lot of looks! I can already see this going in the middle for a dramatic look as well! I just can't rave enough on how much I love love love this!!!!! It is 22.00 on the the site though. I must warn you! If you are on a budget I can completely understand you looking at the price going no way! I on the other hand said, "FUCK IT! I HAVE TO HAVE THIS!" I am like that though! I see something I want and I get it. I'm a spoiled bitch....lol You will not be disappointed!

I hope you enjoyed the LORAC review. Have a wonderful weekend!

A young girl once... For You S!

This is a story of a little girl that was young, stupid, and naive.

She fell in what she thought was love. It was perfect. He was everything she had hoped for. They spent every night together from the beginning. 2 months into the relationship she ended up pregnant.She was worried. She had placed a baby for adoption years before because she knew she wasn't ready to be a mother. She didn't want the baby to do with out or suffer. Now she was faced with the same situation. He wanted a family. Told her what she wanted to hear. Despite the sinking feeling in her heart she married him. He left for a school for 2 months and she visited every chance she had. All the while telling herself she was happy and they were going to be a family. They moved away from family and ended up further away from her family then she had ever been. The baby came. It was perfect! 2 weeks after the birth of her baby girl her world crumbled. She started finding out what he was doing. He started to change. She believed he would change. He was just nervous and new to having a family.

She lived through hell! The women, the abuse, and the emotional scaring. Through having 4 children in 5 years her self esteem was gone. She was in a whole and the dirt was filling in fast. Through "I'm Sorry's" and "I'll never do it agains" she knew there was no hope, but gave up.

10 years into what was supposed to be a happy marriage and a forever love, he left for an over seas tour that she couldn't go on. The weeks before he left he promised it would be perfect. He became the man she thought she was in love with. Only to find out it was yet another LIE! He found a replacement while he was gone. Cutting her loose. Literally taking everything from her. Insulting her along the way and throughout the process. Breaking her down as far as he could. She tried to kill her self. To end the pain and be better off. I am glad she failed at that. Thanks to her childhood friend she found herself slowly. He showed her she was more then was she thought she was. Showed her how to love herself again. He saved her life.

She moved on. She met an awesome man that loved her and the children she got back. They are a happy family. The Ex moved on also. He married a woman overseas and brought her home.

He forgot about his children.

 She is living each day grateful to have a man that loves her and only has eyes for her.

No she will not give up her happiness and the happiness of the children to go back to world of pain and hurt!

She is too strong for that. You aren't going to change! You aren't going to ever get the chance to hurt her again!! I think you should walk away, hop a plane, or board a ship bound straight to hell!

She is happy and you have nothing! It's Karma! Live with it!

I am no longer a young little girl who is stupid and naive! I am older, wiser, and stronger!

The weekly thing

It is Friday once again. Which brings us to:

AND

Just Jen and CB are running BSF together. This promises to be a good thing. We shall see in the coming weeks. Run on over and check them out.

This week has been pretty entertaining. A troll of sorts started shit on a blog. OK well it tried to start shit. It was handed it's ass pretty quickly. It ran away like a Duck-Billed Platypus out of crack.

 As for FUCK YOU FRIDAYS I really don't have anything that truly sticks out at me that is worth mentioning. A few minor things, but they are more like rants and well I don't feel like sharing them this morning. That is another blog and another series of hate mails I just don't feel like fucking starting at this moment. Have a wonderful weekend.

Did that just really happen?

I had decided I was going to do a make-up look for Friday even with the swelling on my face. I can't stand having an idea and not being able to show everyone. Well I was going through my boxes (trust me I have boxes) of make-up because I got evicted from my space in the bathroom and noticed that my Benefit "High Beam" was missing! WTF?! Now I have this look pictured in my head. All bright and pretty, but with no fucking High Beam it's not going to come together. Now I know there are other products out there, but I have to have that product! It's like telling me to buy a Wal-Mart bra! Not going to happen! Face it I am a spoiled BITCH! Not that I am trashing Wal-Mart! They do have cute bras... they are just not for me!

I was cussing up a fucking storm and didn't realize that in the process of looking for said product my Mother Fucking Must have eyeshadow spilled!!!!! Yes I fucking spilled "Naughty" from Simply Kendra on the mother fucking floor!

If you follow me you know I can not get a replacement till she starts selling them and that will be some point in the next month. I HOPE! I can make due with out it till I am able to buy plenty. The point is I love that fucking eyeshadow and it was a demo! I am showing it to two of my neighbors tomorrow so that I can get her more sales! So what do I do? I grab my trusty tool that I use for detailing my nails and commence to scrapping off the top! Yes I looked like a fucking meth head!!!! It was funny! So not only did I lose my highlighter I lost my fave eye shadow!!!!!

With this being said I have to ditch the make-up look till I can reorder from Sephora. I have opted to do nails instead. Thus sparing me from having to show the world my chipmunk face. So thank you to whoever jacked my shit. You saved the viewers from seeing the chipmunk!

This is for the Ladies!

OK ladies. Are you ready? Here's some Captain. Take a swig, sit back, relax, and enjoy the blog. I hope this puts a smile on your face. It put a smile on my face when it was shared with me. I know there are several of you that could use a smile!

 Have a drink!

Enjoy these wonderful photo's shared by a friend this morning.

Yes, he is fucking HOT!

I so want to be those hands!

This is for the ladies that have had a bad week! My heart goes out to those you that have suffered a loss, to those of you who didn't get what was promised, and those of you that need a smile.

2011 has gotten off to a rocky start for some of us, but ladies, we are strong. We can turn this year around!

*Hugs and Kisses*