Thursday, December 8, 2011

Taking a right turn at the crossroads

Many of you that have read this from the start know it's not exactly been easy. My husband doesn't have children of his own. I can't give him a child. He married me knowing I had 4 children and a lot of baggage. Since we have gotten married it's been one hurdle after another. We survived deployment. Barely. We had our son in and out of hospitals due to his issues. We have struggled so much and I still stayed. Money doesn't make happiness. Love does. Lord knows we had months where there was no money and we were happy.

The Army moved us for the good of our son and to be able to get him the help he needed. The move stressed an already stressed relationship even more. Since we have gotten here our pay has been jacked up from the beginning. There have been even more hurdles added. Now Zoe is having issues and they are life threatening issues. His work is putting such a high demand on him that when he comes home he is a different person and snappy.

I have seen the children change, I have seen a change in myself, and now I see the change in him even more. I am at a crossroad. I have to do what's best for the children, myself, and him. I see that he is unhappy, he is stressed, frustrated, and just mean. I can't change that. I can't help help for my insecurities while I feel I am a stranger in a my own home. I have decided that the best thing is to set him free. No more worry about the health of the children, no more worry about me begging for attention, and no more stress about finances. I can work on me and the kids and help them understand that it's for the best.

It's sucks badly. I have been in tears all morning. I love him so much. I just think this is the best way to end things. This way it doesn't get worse and we end up hating each other. I am leaving with only our clothes and personal items. I am not asking for anything that was bought together. I am not that kind of person. I will not be a bitch and take everything. I love him to much for that. Maybe he can figure out a way to get help and realize what is going on. I have tried to explain but it doesn't work. Maybe now he can get help and realize what I have been trying to tell him all along.

This isn't easy by any means. I love him with every ounce of my body. He has been there for us. Now he needs to be there for himself.

1 comment:

Ange said...

You know, sometimes even a break makes things better. I just know that you both do love each other and I wish you nothing but happiness.

PS... let me know if you are going to be in SATX or LA over winter break... I will be spending some time in each.