Keeping my sanity

I once again had to say goodbye to my child. After having him home a week after he gets out of residential he had to go back! This time to a different facility and now we have no clue what is going to happen. I am about to crack. I just want him home for good! I hope this doctor can find the right combination of medications.

In other news. Same shit different day. I hate drama. I don't talk about people behind their backs and quite honestly I don't care to know anyone's business. I moved to be closer to my son. Not to find, create, or be in the middle of drama. I figure if I keep to myself I can avoid the drama and not want to slit my wrists.

While yes my neighbors are quite nice and my children have made new friends I just feel that I am alone. No one is going through this sort of thing and no one can understand the true way my brain works. I think about things deeply and look at all angle's. I expect the negative because I am a pessimist. It's part of being a paranoid schzophrenic.

I don't trust anyone. I have constant thoughts that negative shit will happen. So I question everything. I have learned that if you don't put yourself in the situation then you don't have to worry about the outcome. With that being said I am probably deleting all my social media sites. I have to much going on to add anything new to the pot. 

The view from the outside sucks

Sometimes I sit back and look at things. My views are different from others but that is why they are in fact my views. Now with that being said, it's one of those blogs where I have to get shit off my chest before I fucking explode. I have a friend (and I use that term loosely) that is having a hard time. Now if you are having a hard time I understand people cope differently. Yes, I know that everyone is different. Shocker! Any who. I have noticed a trend. She is talking shit about others behind their back, but still continues to treat them as they are her friends.

This is my opinion. My own twisted fucking thought process came up with the following thought. If you are talking about someone behind their back then don't fucking talk to them to their face. That is how Drama starts and honestly there isn't something I would say behind someone's back that I wouldn't say to their face. Seriously, ladies and gentlemen. If you talk about someone behind their back and then go to them for help or go to them cause they have the cool stuff you want... NEW FLASH: THAT'S USING SOMEONE!

Another thing that just chaps my ass. When you have a great man, but you bitch about him! We are all quilty of that from time to time. It's the women that take it to the extreme and just treat their man like shit 24/7 that pisses me off. If you aren't happy leave him so he can find a good woman that will love him!

I know this has ended up being a bitch fest but damn. I hate seeing people I know do shady shit! If you talk about me behind my back I could care less. Truth be told I don't trust anyone anyway. Chances are I assume you are talking about me anyway! That's part of my issues.

 I am cutting out the negative in my life. So I am cutting out the negative people.

I took my vows seriously when I said " I DO". I love, honor, and cherish my husband. Not just when I want something, but all the time! I wouldn't dare cheat on him. Lord knows I could have by now, but chose to be faithful. How hard is it? I don't care if you swear you are the biggest NYMPHO, you can masterbate till your man comes home! Trust me I know this all too well!

Ladies, please think before you cheat, lie, or treat your man like shit!

Gentlemen, please think before you cheat, lie, or treat your lady like shit!

KARMA is a BITCH! 

Wow... same crap different place and time.

I sit here in the new house wondering why I even moved. Yes, we finally made it to Fort Sam Houston. Thanks to the moving company we lost a lot of our household goods. They were either damaged or just totally missing. Hell, a lot of our shit was so broken it looked like they threw it off the truck. That started the shitty time here.

I had done all the paperwork for school for the fall semester and did the paperwork for the GI Bill. Only to find out that I had to drop the classes cause I wouldn't be able to get the shit I needed in time! I can't find a job, need to buy a new washer and dryer, new beds for the kids, school clothes, and school supplies.

So you see the stress. It's a fucking 6 foot hole that I am laying in the bottom of. The dirt is falling in on top of me and there isn't shit I can do.

The only positive thing this week so far is finding out Ethan is coming home next week. I just hope I can find a job before then because he has grown so much since he has been gone and needs a new wardrobe. So yes, the move didn't make things better. It fucked shit up far worse then it was! Don't even get me started on the King of the house. I will be back to blogging on the reg and things will get happier.... maybe.